Tangled Mind

1. enjoyed Eastercon very much, with a few exceptions (I was a BSFA Awards walk-out, though went back after the 'comic' turn; I was also a restaurant dash-out due to crap service; I may have snarled at a few people who were clogging bottlenecks). Caught up with many dear friends and a few new ones, though not everyone I'd have liked to spend time with.

1a. High points included the Not the Clarke Award panel; Chris Priest's acceptance of BSFA Best Novel award for The Islanders; cheese and marmite paninis with ladymoonray; our 'Alternate Universes in (Sherlock) Fanfiction' panel; the 'Romance in SF' panel as moderated by me, though wish I hadn't had to terminate increasingly interesting argument between Justina Robson and Adam Rrrroberts; oh, and glimpsing a few out-of-context people including one I haven't seen for a decade.

2. really, massively benefited from being able to schedule time-outs each day. Being in the main hotel is no longer a luxury for me: it's the only way I can cope with full-on fannish interaction over four days. (Last time I was in overflow, a 'time-out' usually meant not getting back to the con.) Still, by the end of the con was so overcome with inertia that I stuck to my bar-sofa instead of making it to the closing ceremony.

3. MY TOOTH HURT. A LOT. Thanks to high-heeled fishlifter and to gummitch for providing little bottles of happy anaesthesia (not the gin-flavoured kind).

3a. Went to dentist this morning. Have antibiotics, painkillers and a dead tooth which has to come out as soon as possible. Next available appointment = 25th May (and that's just the 'sedate me or it will not be pretty' conversation). Expect much whining.

4. I have soooo many books to write up that it's quite intimidating. Including Flashforward, The Chrysalids, The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms, The End Specialist, Last Movement (Joan Aiken), Malvolio's Revenge (Sophie Masson), Servant of the Underworld, Pirate King, Osama, Rule 34.

Beginning to suspect that achiness / lethargy / congestion / headache is not mere post-protest (or indeed post-post-protest-fizz) syndrome but actually a cold.

DOEZ NOT WANT

I had ear problems as a child, but back then I don't think partial deafness felt so important. (Children's hearing is better, yes? Maybe I was starting from a higher level of functionality.) One positive benefit of this is that, assuming my experience isn't out of the ordinary, I'm beginning to understand (and sympathise with, and work out how I might minimise my own contribution to) the problems faced by those with more permanent hearing difficulties.

I am several days into complete deafness in one ear and partial in the other. My directional hearing is shot: I can't work out where sounds are coming from. (Thought this might be a problem driving, but I rely much more on visual cues than auditory ones.) Music on the car stereo today sounded weird, and somewhat off-key, because I wasn't hearing much on the right-hand channel. Picking out a single voice in a busy room -- something I am finding increasingly difficult in general, as I get older -- was much harder than usual. I suspect my speech is also affected: I have a fairly soft voice and I'm not necessarily aware of how loudly I'm speaking.

My right ear is full of crackling, white noise, my heartbeat etc: this is sometimes loud enough to drown out external noise. I suspect I'm actually getting some auditory hallucinations (that can't possibly be the right word) -- peculiar rhythmic noises like drums (not my heart / pulse), bursts of music. The little voices aren't talking to me though. YET.

I can't wear headphones at the moment (quite aside from the hearing issue, my right ear objects to objects.) This means no walking-with-music, and watching TV on the laptop with lopsided sound.

Today I went to a spa with ladymoonray, had a facial massage and did a bit of swimming (but not a lot, because (a) medical advice say NO (b) I was feeling badly off-balance in the water). For the rest of the day my right ear has been cutting in and out, like a poorly-wired headset. Most distracting.

Still hurts. GP Thursday.

In other news, that is not a rash on my stomach, because the little red marks come in groups of five, almost as though a small(ish) but determined forelimb, with very sharp nails, has been tapping me insistently. But surely I would have noti -- oh, hello, ozymandias_cat!

Sunshine is really helping, though I'm still tired and achy.

I think walking to werk, instead of cycling, helps too: it's not as intensively energetic. (I used to enjoy intensively energetic.)

Drinking loads of fluids, eating healthily, no alcohol or junk food or general badnesses.

Also, the cat has given B back her voice. I don't know why he wanted it -- he is not a shouty beast*, but a quiet and well-mannered creature.

*[eyes the Lesser Spotted One meaningfully]

According to the Government, my lurgy (day three and counting) matches enough pig-flu symptoms to entitle me to free anti-virals, which bugshaw (minion-services kindly loaned by ozymandias_cat) collected for me yesterday afternoon.

Have rung werk and tried not to sound like someone skiving, even though I don't actually feel too bad as long as I lie down, take it easy, doze as necessary, eat constantly, and don't read for more than half an hour at a time.

Later today I might venture downstairs for the first time in 48 hours ...

.. anyone want a ticket for Offenback opera in London tomorrow? (Free to good home, but physical ticket is in Cambridge though Cadogan Hall may be receptive to a phone call and Sekrit Code).

For various reasons (some personal, others not) I have been thinking about pain. And thinking how illogical some of my reactions to pain actually are.

( answers on a poll please ... )

1. I am so phobic about dental treatment that I would rather have major surgery than a cleaning session.
2. Valium gives me nightmares. Really nasty ones that have nothing to do with dentists except possibly in a lateral way.
3. It is possible to be bored during dental treatment.

Profound thanks to anef who escorted, soothed and diverted me!

For medical reasons I am taking it easy today, with ...

1. free online preview of Green Day's 21st Century Breakdown. Cannot believe it is 5 years since American Idiot.

2. Hilary Mantel's new novel Wolf Hall, about Thomas Cromwell and Cardinal Wolsey.

3. Two sets of pillz (I must avoid alcohol -- oh noes! -- and sunshine -- some chance ...)

4. ozymandias_cat, who has been very purry and companionable and is outside recovering from this soppiness.

5. Rosetta@home, via andrewducker: surplus CPU used to determine protein structures for Medical Science.

Well, the new antibiotics, which I've been instructed to take as well as the previous prescription, seem to be working: I'm feeling (and apparently looking) much healthier than I have for a while. I suspect the infection has been taking its toll for some weeks, the recent gum infection being merely another development in a series that's included lack of energy, recurring headaches and a mild mood-slump.

So! I'm catching up with myself this week: reviews, mundanities, maybe even some writing. Also plenty of sitting in the sunshine. If you're waiting for something from me, your wait may be nearing its end ... Does not constitute any binding legal agreement

Miscellanea:

* Times Online article concerning Estonia Property Farce: I'm informed that the police investigation has been scaled up and there is less chance of conflict of interest there.

* free glass of Prosecco at well-known pizza restaurant

* Arthur C Clarke Award shortlist announced: shall be reading all six (three down, three to go) as I'm on the Not the Clarkes panel at Eastercon, wherein (traditionally) the panelists discuss just how wrong the Clarke jury has been, and fail to predict the winner of the Award.

Things I learnt yesterday: ( cut for tedious detail and possibly TMI )