Handover ...
Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 04:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tamaranthI've just had an intensive half-hour meeting with a colleague. (Scheduled for 3, happened at 4. First scheduled meeting today that has not been cancelled.) I told him what I was planning to work on for my last two days, and mentioned the Major Handover tomorrow, and intimated that I would not actually care if a particular project underwent another change of direction.
Right at the end of the meeting he blinked at me and said, "Er -- are you leaving us, then?"
Trying very hard to keep a straight face. And wondering who else has or hasn't been told.
Right at the end of the meeting he blinked at me and said, "Er -- are you leaving us, then?"
Trying very hard to keep a straight face. And wondering who else has or hasn't been told.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 04:54 pm (UTC)No, you will not.
"Oh, right! Sorry, I forgot. Couldn't you pop back in for a few days?"
No.
"Can we email you?"
No.
"Telecon?"
No.
"You're really going to be unavailable for 4 months?"
Yes. That is correct.
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Date: Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 05:01 pm (UTC)With a side order of 'teeheehee'.
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Date: Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 05:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 05:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 05:11 pm (UTC)"Yep - and so fast that there will be a sonic BOOM that'll shatter every window in the place"
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Date: Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 05:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 08:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 07:30 pm (UTC)I have fond memories of handover meetings... You know, the ones where some hopeful minion expects to be told that all you do is switch the coffee-maker on, and doesn't even bother to bring a notepad.
Historically, my handovers start with the replacement manager rapidly turning grey as we create the list of individual systems and business processes that I've written, maintain, or give support or some essential service to... It's always double figures,and there's always at least one that's mission-critical or 'serious money' (that's where the bonuses are, duh!). I've left one job where the man-hour estimates for my replacement added up to a three-man team with an AP and a business analyst; I've never left a job where any sensible measure of the hours required to replace me added up to less than two full-timers.
Cue maniacal laughter. What, it's only just dawned on you that I'm really, really going? Handovers are fun. And the more helpful you are, the more you rub it in that the effective employees are leaving and they are the one who's left.
Yes, I document everything I do. Perfectly. It's far more satisfying that way: to hand over* a project in a bullet-pointed presentation, with user manuals, a technical reference, and the source code properly laid-out and commented, when I am talking to a peasant who will never understand the project and can barely follow the steps in the support technician's checklist.
It adds venom the stock phrase in my 'goodbye' letter: and I have every confidence that my successor in the role will build on our achievements and strengthen the reputation of our team with our users on the Trading Floor .
Smell my gaseous effluvia as I mentally and physically cleanse myself of the life-sucking morass that is my soon-to-be-previous employer with a health-giving diet of onion bhajiis, cabbage stew and sulphur-rich Peculiar Ale. It's a pleasure working in this underventilated office with the stained and smell-retaining cheapo nylon furnishings. Rejoice as I work flat-out to give impeccable responses and a speedy service to most demanding and driven clients on the Desk, secure in the knowledge that this sharpens the transition to your mumbling, shuffling and dissembling ignorance. And, incidentally, it polishes the informal references they will give me, years from now. Look on in envy as I abandon your foraging-in-dustbins 'business-casual' interpretation of the dress code and turn up to work in tailored clothes that say 'this man is to be trusted with serious money': it is an unspoken statement that I'm moving somewhere that has far, far higher standards and a rather better salary.
I should probably stop. But if I remember in time, I'll dig out Dilbert's List of the Day: 'Fun things to do on your last day at work'.
* A special case of hand singular in handover meaning 'my hand offers the banana to an underevolved grasping appendage whose owner fell out of f**ing trees instead of descending to the ground and banging rocks together'.
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Date: Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 08:59 pm (UTC)Surprised!Colleague did actually say something very nice, along the lines of 'but what will we do without you?' and let slip that he was sorry to hear I was going. But then he is in the minority: nice colleagues.
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Date: Wednesday, January 16th, 2008 11:31 am (UTC)