Identity Crisis

[tamaranth]

Identity Crisis

I'm losing myself.

To be more accurate, other people are losing me. My father thinks there is another sister. (There isn't: there's just my half-sister and myself). On Saturday when I visited, he volunteered "She's gone to some archaeological thing, hasn't she?"

"Who?" asked my sister.

"Your sister."

"No," I said, "I'm right here."

"Not you!" he said, exasperated. "The other one."

Ah. This would be the one who he says visits him every few days (for which I'm very grateful, since I only make it down to Plymouth every month or so now - it's a long, expensive trip). Interesting that he associates that me with archaeology. When I was eight years old I was determined to be an archaeologist. Now I'm just a paid-up member of the British Archaeological Society.

"She's always been a bit like that, hasn't she?" he added. "Uncivilised."

I think he meant that other-sister should've been there to see me. I think

But it's not him in there. He was very ill last month - to the extent that my sister (the real one) was on the point of ringing me to tell me the end was near - and while he's made a good recovery, he lost a great deal of weight. This makes the physical symptoms of the Parkinson's disease - muscle spasms and compulsive gesturing - more macabre, more puppet-like. This is the husk of a man, imperfectly animated, wiring frayed so that dream and reality are inextricably interwoven. He's convinced that my mother (dead since 1986) is in the same nursing home, though "we don't speak often." One peculiar and often entertaining symptom of Parkinson's is a tendency to hallucinate - and, very specifically, to hallucinate small mammals. My father's cats are dead: but not to him.

On a lighter note (like that's hard), London Electricity wrote to me with a final bill. "You rang and told us you were moving out," they explained, when I enquired as to what the hell was going on. "I did not," I said, "because I'm not. You're wrong." "But we have a record of your calling to tell us ..."

We had a brief philosophical discussion of purpose, intention and whose bloody flat (and LEB account) it was anyway. Of course they know whose details they have as the next tenant, but they can't tell me ... Anyway, I am now another person, since there can be only one LEB account per individual. And the original me is moving out. I wonder where she's going?

Am not a real person. Or possibly am more than one real person. Universes colliding, claiming it was the other universe's fault for not signalling, etc. See, I downloaded this 'life' thing, but it doesn't seem to be compatible with what I already have running ...

Comments

[sneerpout.livejournal.com]

You are not lost for as long as you are able to write so beautifully about such difficult topics. Am thinking of you.

[adela-terrell.livejournal.com]

Thats so odd, my gran saw cats as well, I didn't realise that was the parkinsons that was having that effect... it wouldn't be so bad but my gran really really really hated cats, and it made her very upset that we allowed the cat from next door have kittens in her bedroom. Not that next door had a cat of course.

Other me is married with children, or a world renowned anthropologist. They would be so disapointed in this me I think.

[flickgc.livejournal.com]

Temporary hugs until I see you later on: ::hugs::

You are, you realise, a cow? You've managed to creep into my Clie when I wasn't looking and steal my plot bunny.

Well, okay, not plot bunny.
Thinks: what is the term for non-fic plot bunnies?

Hmph. Am now in official Sulk.
Will still give cuddles, though.

[brisingamen.livejournal.com]

I don't live here, according to the local Electoral Registration Office ... I live up the road. At least, when I asked for some information, and gave my address, the information arrived with an entirely different postcode.

Oh, and Amazon seems not to think you exist, but I'm sorting that out!

M.

[serendipoz.livejournal.com]

Have you met yourself on the stair yet?

Never know what familiar faces you'll see there, ...

[owlrigh.livejournal.com]

Ah. Sorry to hear that this is happening to you. What an utter nuisance of the electricity board ... and it must be a very surreal thing to have a phantom sister suddenly. Far out!