Couldn't last ...

[tamaranth]

There's nothing like visiting one's family to bring seasonal cheer into perspective. You can't prevent people drawing their own conclusions. You can only tell yourself that it doesn't matter, that they're wrong. And yet often it does matter, because it affects the way they act and react to you. And often it's not very flattering to realise what a low opinion of you they have, or how unwilling they are to have that opinion swayed by explanations or examples or even behaviour which directly contradicts their own views. They're too ready to think the worst and write you off as 'daft' or 'stupid' for ideas that they have invented for their mental image of you.

But it's a lovely clear frosty morning and I'm tempted to scrap last-minuting and go for a walk in the park before Werk.

EDITED TO ADD: It's not just family who do this, by any means. I've had an intensive weekend of it from them, but there are plenty of other people with (at best) unflatteringly inaccurate views of me.

Comments

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

F*** 'em - what do they know.

Family for some reason are permited to be gits to you, and you're supposed to take. it. Don't. If they're not going to treat you like a human being, and think that just because they're related to you they can be rude or inconsiderate, then what on earth is the point associating with them, if all it does is upset you?

You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends, and you can choose who you do and don't interact with, and choose whose opinions you give a toss about.

[ajshepherd.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling. There are good reasons why my visits up north are infrequent. I could go on about this but I won't.
Sod 'em. You're a great person with lots of friends who like you for who you are.

[easterbunny.livejournal.com]

After 28 years of listening to my cousin Anne (there's only 2 of us) being introduced as "the tall one", "the pretty one", and "the smart one", I found out that out of my earshot, Grandmother introduces her as "Our other granddaughter is already married. This is the single one."

I think we may both sue for therapy expenses and then take off to the Maldives.

[margotmetroland.livejournal.com]

Hence why I abandoned my family to their own petty devices! I'm not suggesting at all that you do the same, but for the small consolation it gives you are not alone in this.

Don't forget, those who think you are daft or stupid are usually projecting their self-opinion on to you because the truth hurts!

[brisingamen.livejournal.com]

Ah families: you have my sympathy, ongoing, as you know.

I am so not looking forward to throwing myself back into the heady maelstrom of sibling misjudgement, and hope to terrify mine so much that they'll just leave me alone most of the time, rather than trying to involve me in 'family activities'. Because, you know, I've happily done without it for twenty-plus years, and I can happily carry on without it now.

But what your family thinks is not really important, not in the long run. You know that we your friends think you're great, and that's more important than a genetic relationship, really it is.

[ladymoonray.livejournal.com]

What everyone else said. With knobs on.

We love you.

[techno-fear.livejournal.com]

Theres nothing quite like the look on an elderly relatives face when you say something shocking. Or something that could be "misinterpreted" as shocking.

I finally learnt I dont have to explain my reasons for anything I do to any of my family. Thats what being a Comms Officer does for you. F*ck em all.