BT Mobile joys

The good news: BT (who were very apologetic about the problems I had with my mobile) have sent me a shiny new phone.
The bad news: despite their assurances, it doesn't do its magic auto-update thing. Instead, I get a text saying the handset is not recognised and advising me to visit a website.
The ugly news: sole content of said website is -- currently, at least -- the word 'hello'.